Nicole Phillips: Kindness as a Lens

Nicole Phillips has spent years writing, speaking, and teaching about kindness. As an author, keynote speaker, former newspaper columnist, and host of The Kindness Podcast, her work is rooted in the belief that kindness is a lens through which people learn to see, not just something people do.

Nicole grew up in Wisconsin. Her early life was shaped in part by her mother’s empathy for people who were struggling, including choices that had serious consequences for Nicole and her family. When Nicole was in fifth grade, her mother married a prison inmate. By eighth grade, when he was being released, Nicole and her father moved two and a half hours away because both parents knew the environment would not be safe for her. Nicole carried shame, anger, and resentment from that time into adulthood.

Years later, in 2011, Nicole’s life looked successful from the outside. She was married to her childhood sweetheart, had three healthy children, and had recently retired from her job as a television news anchor. But internally, she was struggling. She described herself as a drinker, smoker, overeater, angry at her husband, and lacking gratitude for the life around her.

A turning point came at a swimming pool, when Nicole met a young mother who was grateful simply to spend the day with her child. Nicole had arrived with a very different mindset, feeling like she had to be there to wear out her own children. After their conversation, Nicole felt moved to give the woman the money she had in her wallet. The exchange left both women crying and became the first story Nicole wrote for what became her weekly newspaper column, Kindness is Contagious.

The column ran for ten years. Because she needed stories every week, Nicole began actively looking for kindness around her. She noticed how people treated one another, how people treated her, and where she could be kind to others. Within a year, she said she quit drinking, quit smoking, lost 30 pounds, fell in love with her husband again, and changed the culture of her home.

Kindness also changed how Nicole approached her relationship with her mother. For years, she could be kind to others, but not to her. Then she became curious. Instead of asking, “Why would you marry a prison inmate?” she began asking, “Can you tell me why you married a prison inmate?” That change in tone opened a different conversation. Her mother shared painful details from her childhood, including abuse and isolation, and explained how one moment of attention during a vulnerable time felt “like a drug.” Nicole said those conversations built a bridge of compassion between them.

Nicole’s stories highlight that kindness is often an internal practice and more than an outward act. She spoke about slowing down, noticing the person in front of you, and thinking about what you are thinking about. Over time, Nicole came to believe that the brain notices what it is trained to notice. By intentionally looking for kindness every week, she found herself seeing more of it in everyday life. She believes that what people look for shapes what they see, and that intentionally looking for kindness can change how people experience their own lives.

In business and leadership, Nicole believes kindness is still too often dismissed as soft or optional. Her work points to the fact that kindness affects how people show up, how they communicate, how they build trust, and how they treat the people around them.

“Kindness starts with the lens through which we view the people around us.”

Nicole Phillips is a speaker, author, columnist, and podcast host whose work shows how kindness, curiosity, and attention can transform individuals, families, workplaces, and communities. Keep an eye out for more interviews.