Dr. Brian Alman: The Practice of Kindness Starts Within

Dr. Brian Alman is a co-developer of ACE Study Treatment Solution, creator of a trauma and stress relief app and an author of fifteen books. He has spent decades exploring what it means to be kind as a daily, intentional practice. Brian has dedicated much of his career to helping people heal deeply rooted trauma and access their inner strength.

Brian’s early life in Massachusetts, and his own experiences of chronic pain, shaped his search for insight. But over the years, through his work with thousands of patients and his partnership with Dr. Vincent Felitti of the ACE Study, his understanding of kindness expanded. In his view, the greatest barrier to kindness is often internal. “People don’t know how to be kind to themselves, so they have trouble being kind to others,” he said. That self-directed kindness, in Brian’s words, must be daily and deliberate. “Because life is every day,” he added, “and people are in your life every day.”

Brian describes moments where his capacity for kindness was tested. “I had to ask myself, how deep can I go with my compassion and acceptance?” he said. It was not easy. But through that internal work, he found that even in the most challenging cases, kindness—defined by presence and acceptance—could be transformational. He believes that offering others real kindness begins with a willingness to accept them without conditions. “People would tell me their stories and then say, ‘You still want to see me again? You still like me?’” That surprise, he explained, reveals how rarely people feel accepted for who they are. “They thought, if I tell my story, you’ll never want to talk to me again. But instead, you make another appointment.”

For Brian, kindness is an orientation, a way of approaching yourself and others with clarity, care, and a willingness to listen. “Kindness is the ripple effect of being friendly, caring, and compassionate,” he said. “It’s not hard work, it’s a natural state.”

As we concluded our conversation, Brian shared a phrase his mother repeated to him as a child: “When you need a helping hand, look at the end of your wrist.” For him, self-reliance is about cultivating the strength and clarity to accept help and collaborate with others.

“First, you have to invest in kindness in yourself, and after that, you invest in kindness with others.”

Dr. Brian Alman believes kindness is something we live, starting with ourselves. Keep an eye out for more interviews.